Number of times Charlotte has peed on the carpet: 2 Number of times I've had to clean it up: 0 Number of times my mother has gotten unreasonably pissed off at me because of my little potty training princess's ability to only have accidents when I am NOT around to clean it up : 34283792 (this number may include a laundry list of other issues my mother has with just my existence in general)
However, today is Saturday, and no amount of awkward silences, irritating mumbling or disapproving glances can ruin the fact that I am soon to be on my way to Banks Lake for the weekend. My little Peeing Princess will be staying with her father, his delightful girlfriend with the fake tits, and their new son for the next 10 days. This means it will take me precisely 3 weeks to get her BACK on her normal schedule when she returns. Charlotte's dad will be spending those 10 days doing exactly opposite of what mommy does here at home. She will be hooked up to an IV of sugar filled apple juice, snacking on a variety of indulgences those of which are arguably not considered in any natural food group, staying up till midnight in the "man cave" and nap time will perhaps be nothing more than a theoretical option more than an actual enforced application.
BUT enough of this pessimism…It is cheesy egg time now, and I must pack! Have a great weekend everybody :)
When I woke up this morning, clinching my cell phone and sweating profusely, (as I once again opted for a few glasses of red wine versus taking off my flannel sheet set as it is now August and the temperature has been well above the 90’s for the last two months)...what was the first thing I did? Go pee? Brush my teeth? Peer over the side of Charlotte’s crib to make sure she is still sleeping? NO.
None of the above. Instead, I check my facebook.
See the thing is, I said I would never get a phone that had internet. Because if I had internet, I would have unlimited Facebook access...and with unlimited Facebook access come incessant status updates, which leads to massively distracting phone alerts, which directly effects my ability to leave my phone off my person for more than 2 minutes, which in turn enhances my inability to focus my attention on anything other than what EVERYONE IS DOING ON FACEBOOK. Leaving me powerless...and ashamed. This Facebook...this compulsory yet completely useless occupation of my time, this...bane of my existence. And now look at me. BLOGGING.
I attempted to confer with the IT guy at work. The IT guy however, said he could not “sympathize” with my situation…for he chooses NOT to have a Facebook account. Therefore he is completely unaware, his opinion stripped of all relevance and legitimacy because HE is blissfully ignorant of the unrelenting clenches Facebook can posses over one’s existence. Oh to be so unknowing…so ambivalent to the world of social networking. You are lucky IT guy. You are safe…..for now.
