Good Game Bruce

Bruce likes butts.

He likes to slap them, smack them, tap them, wack them, rap them, pat them, jab them, spank them, hit them, poke them, nudge them, thump them, prod them…he likes them so much he just can’t keep his grimy little hands off them.

“Get your hand off my ass BRUCE!” his aunt shrieks from the kitchen….

Bruce is five, going on seventeen; Bruce is an ass man.

His dad doesn’t know where he gets it, “ I myself prefer boobs…” he laughs.

Bruce however, has an unnatural infatuation with the booty and his poor helpless mother can only hope and pray that this mildly offensive passion for the backsides’ (of women in particular) does not come out in his kindergarten classroom…

“Can you imagine that conversation?” she questions worriedly,

“ Well Mrs. Davidson, your son is an exceptional listener, an expert at coloring between the lines, and VERY encouraging as he likes to slap the butts of all the girls in our class when they’ve accomplished an admirable task…” (Well, at least that’s how I’d like to think the conversation would go)…

I attempted to assure my fellow mommy, that Charlotte too as an usual obsession…ta tas’. She will lift up the shirt of any family member, friend or stranger that will let her get close enough and loudly proclaim “ TA TAS!!!!!”. She has more than once, been seated on my lap in the middle of a crowded restaurant and plunged her tiny ta-ta seeking hands into my shirt exposing my bizarre or worse, my boobs, to everyone in the room.

"Oh, the joys of motherhood,"She rolls her eyes and I sip my coffee. It has been three weeks since we moved, Am I ready for all of it, every day, just me and my daughter...our little routine no longer interupted by work? Get up, coffee and bagel, park, gymnastics, grocery strore, chores...I think I am...saved by the grace of the silly little happenings of a tiny green mind in the works.