Operation Destroy Animal Barn

I wake up to the sound of Charlotte shuffling around in her crib, she is telling her baby doll to put her diaper back on and some random story about how were supposedly going to get the car washed today, “after we get Mama’s coffee…” Before long she stands up and peers over the side of her crib, “Get up Mama, I wanna get out.”

“Where we goin today little bear,” I ask… “The animal fair Mama!” she yells back at me! Yep, we are braving the county fair together, Aunt Kate has to work so it’s just gonna be Charlotte and I…parading around in the dirt and cow manure-and looking fabulous while doing it.

We head into the bathroom and brush our teeth, and by brush our teeth I mean she gets toothpaste and water everywhere BUT her mouth and I end up brushing my teeth in the shower, as I have to stop and wipe up her mess mid-teeth cleaning.

She decides she is going to take a bath almost the entire time I am drying my hair, putting on my make up and getting dressed- Then we eat our scrambled eggs and wheat toast and she plays in her cereal for a solid half hour before insisting that she get out of the high chair because, “I need Mama do my hair and get my shoes on…” We load up in the car and as soon as we hit the road Charlotte says to me, “I want Lady Gaga Mama…” Now, I know what your thinking, what kind of mother lets her two year old listen to Lady Gaga? Welp, this Mom does, right here. She likes the Pokerface song and its not like I let her sing along to that other dreadful one talking about “ wanting to ride on your disco stick…” so, don’t judge me judgers.

We manage to dodge paying for parking because my excellent parking-spot radar happens to come across the last open spot in front of the park which is directly across from the fairgrounds. JACKPOT. We roll up to the gate in our Limited Edition Eddie Bauer stroller ( all class and sass ) and the barely functioning, possibly blind and most definitely hearing impaired old man behind the ticket counter says “ She’s free, $12 bucks for you…”

WHAT. WHAT. Twelve freaking dollars?!?! JUST to ENTER into a fenced off, carnie-infested, overpriced high-calorie junk food mound of dirt that reeks like diabetes and animal feces’!!!??? Do I get some sort of complimentary elephant ear? A giant lemonade served by a very questionable most likely recently paroled guy? I clearly did not hide my disgust well, because the old man grunted and swiped my money away from me probably thinking to himself about what a bratty little drama queen I was….

Anyway, we head through the gates and make a beeline for the Kiddie Zone and Old McDonalds Farm….Operation Destroy Animal Barn is a GO.